Fortune

I realized today the core of misery. It makes no difference the conditions, misery is Misery. No qualification holds objectively. I think I have been depressed. Deciding to not go to the Pheonix National with the team and missing Jay's event this past weekend from not feeling well, well I think got to me on some level, and I wasn't aware of it until this evening during some yoga. The feeling of commitment seems to be creeping into my being again. It is so subtle, never seem to know when you fall out until way after you do. All this week and part of last, I have been sleeping late, like 2am late, not eating appropriately, and missing all my scheduled rides. Scattered meditation. Mistreating the Sahrfrog and Marmu. No yoga, No anything. Hardly blogging either.
I consider myself fortunate. It was Friday just yesterday and what do you know it's Friday tomorrow. And what do I have to show? All the same ofcourse, nothing new. But as I sat there in a deep foward bend, deeply meditated, I became aware of it all at once and of the state of re-focus.
Walking out the door for a last minute night ride on the road, the front tire that I just fixed was flat, again. The hands go in the air, sloth and misery begin to set in...the demons purge foward. Then Sahrfrog stops me, and says, "Dave, what about riding on your trainer with one of the other hundred bikes you have while watching a movie, PLEASE let me know what ever I can do to help". Yes, I listened. Fortune. Love.
The Team will do awesome, they are already at a great start! Sea Otter will be our debut all together, the whole lot of us. Then comes the 24hrs of Cool in May, where I plan to podium. Yes, I said it. And I dare to do it.
The actual split second that is the experience of gratitude before it has been intellectualized by the mind and an emotion and memory assigned, is so exquisite, so beautiful. To feel that, to feel that in every moment, I suspect would be truly Devine. I have chosen to believe that this cycling venture may facilitate that. Though, to go any further in this capacity here in this blog, would be a falacy, so I'll stop..

Tonight's findings during vipassana:

Sensations, subtle or gross, are observed as they come into the attention while scanning the body during vipassana meditation. The action of observing soon becomes the “experience” itself. This experience is somewhat like a wave, a wave of sensation. This Wave of Sensation becomes the Observed. So what was once observing the body for sensations, subtle or gross, in the way of a slow bodily scan, becomes an illusion of a Scan that produces a sensation. It reminds me of a flower that opens to the rays of the sun. One man clearly sees that it is the light of the sun itself that causes the flowers pedals to open, as if they are mechanically connected. And yet a wise man understands that the sun does not cause the flower to do anything, but rather the flower reacts according to it’s own biological design, for it requires the sun’s light to live. Thus their connection is not mechanical, but instead spiritual one.